First Dates. Like going to the dentist without the drugs.

So you got a date – Yay for you hot stuff!

You are probably overwhelmed with worry’s. Its Ok, I usually get Diarrhoea before a date. I have a nervous bowel. I’m not sure why its nervous, maybe its IBS?  Anyway thats for another time.

Nerves can be easily addressd by following my first date diet:

• 1/2 valium (assuming you stocked up on your recent asian holiday)
• 1 Immodium
• 2 miniture bottle’s of vodka
• Breath mints (becuase of vodka)

Prior to arrival, re read their profile. That is if you met online. If you met the normal way then you are obviosuly a super model and what are you doing reading this, go do some sit ups.

My Tips for  Succsess (I am single, so feel free to ignore)

1. Make it a coffee or wine. Anything under an hour.
2. Dont arrange those stupid exit calls. Its so 1996. Stay for one, if its love, stay for three. If you want to shag them, stay for 14.

3. Make it a week night. I will not give up a saturday. I’d rather save that for frozen pizza and Millionaire Matchmaker marathons.

4. Dont drink too much, you’ll only end up shagging. Unless you think he is really dumb but hot…  you’re only human.

And Finally, talking points:

Do talk about: 
Travel, family, work, friends, hobby’s, weekends, sport (fake interest)

Don’t talk about: 
Ex’s, babies, marriage, sex, periods, clothes, shopping, religion, feminism, circumcision, penis size, vagina size, waxing, not waxing, ex’s, your bad relationship with your father, your great relationship with your mother, your cat, your inability to achieve orgasm.