Post Traumatic Text Disorder

It’s early days. You’re drunk. Your phone is yet to have a breathalyzer feature. You send a text. We’ve all been there. You are too eager and you are going to freak him/her out. Put down the phone. I beg you. Put down the fucking phone – You are going to have to buy a … Continue reading

The basis of the bases

When I was a teenager we had 4 bases. 1st: kiss 2nd: boobie grab (outside bra) 3rd: anything below the belt 4th: pee pee in wee wee Oh how times have changed. Word behind the bike sheds is we now have 10 bases! Those crazy Gen Y and Millenials sure know how to complicate a … Continue reading

Letter to my child

Dear Future Child, Hi! Wow, can’t believe you’re here. Can’t wait to take you to see Dr Roy so I can tell her she was like totes wrong and I did find a man and there was no need to panic or rush into something or get all desperate and join multiple dating sites under … Continue reading

Vaginas, a blessing or a curse?

Dear straight men, you don’t need to read this, but if you do. Please do not comment to me in relation to this blog when I see you at so and so’s birthday drinks. Today someone looked at my vagina. This clearly doesn’t happen every day, as much as I wish it would. Every woman … Continue reading

Speed dating. No illicit drugs, unfortunately.

I don’t want to poo poo all speed dating. But its shit. Well the one I went to was.   Ill set the scene. 12 attractive women all dressed to impress, hair coiffed, lovely dresses, slight boobage. Most likely they all have careers and are fantastic at giving blow jobs whilst making a porcini risotto. … Continue reading

One Night Only.

Thanks to the popularity of online chat and dating sites you can get sex about as simply as you order a pizza, unfortunately though there is no up-size. I have a theory. One nights stands are never good. Why? You are always screwing your ex… Huh? By this I am referring to your sexual routine … Continue reading

When is a break up a break up?

So. I met a guy and we’ve been dating for the last month or so. I was optimistic but not crazy. No hopes were up just a gentle hum of expectation. But alas. It is not to be. Now I’m faced with – is this a breakup? At what point did we become linked in … Continue reading

Gay men. The online pioneers.

Purely for research purposes I’ve been looking at online dating (I use that term loosely) sites for the homosexual male. I’ve also been watching a considerable amount of gay porn. Simply to gain a deeper insight into their psyche. I’m working my way through all the classics and it’s been a thrilling and eye opening … Continue reading

Did it do what it said on the tin?

We are bombarded with advertising every minute of the day. Products make claims and we believe them. Creams, lotions, diets and gimmicks. If products did what they said on the tin, I’d look like a 12 year old who survives on meal replacement shakes and people who buy AHbras would actually look sexy. So what … Continue reading