The basis of the bases

When I was a teenager we had 4 bases.

1st: kiss
2nd: boobie grab (outside bra)
3rd: anything below the belt
4th: pee pee in wee wee

Oh how times have changed. Word behind the bike sheds is we now have 10 bases! Those crazy Gen Y and Millenials sure know how to complicate a process.

Unfortunately there aren’t many credible references to these new milestones in adolescent debauchery. I have however been able to piece together some alarming new entries!

Oral.

The first time I saw a penis, I screamed and ran into a barbed wire fence. This is probably why first time penis seeing should be done in a safe, padded environment.

Anal.

Now, when I was at school if a boy asked to put his willy in my butt I would need a little lie down in the sick bay.

Sexting.

Aka Filming yourself having special “me” time and either sending pics via text or uploading on the net.

This surprises me, simply because I assumed that young girls self esteem was, like myself at school a healthy level of low.

Nudity and or swimwear was incredibly confronting for me. This was most likely due to the fact that I was often mistaken for a 12 year old boy. I once tried to break my leg to get out of a swimming carnival. Just so you know, you can’t actually break your own leg.

These days we tell them all how beautiful and perfect they are and where does it get you? I’ll tell u where -#yourdaughterisnakedonthenet.

Let’s reflect a moment on the “bases” in the 40’s and 50’s. I can imagine they were something along the lines of;

1. Talk
2. Hold hands
3. Kiss
4. Get married.

I know, I’m bored too.

If this was the case, and then we fast forward to the eighties and we were getting fiddled in our hoo hoo in the back of a Gemini; then one can only assume, in say the year 2045 that the kids will be kicking it with the farm animals and attending dominatrix little athletics.

These days forget the bases. You’ve already given him a hand job on the way to the game and its a gang bang in the dugout.